Lockdown Page 9

  “I know how hard this is for you. I know you care about me…”

  It went beyond that, but he wasn’t ready to get married again, and she deserved to start her life. She’d already waited long enough. He reached across the seat to palm her cheek. He looked into her eyes, intending to tell her he loved her, but the words got stuck in his throat. This was it, their last night together. “Jess, let me make love to you tonight, please.”

  She closed her eyes as she touched her forehead to his. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

  At this point he didn’t care about consequences; he just knew he couldn’t survive the rest of his life without making love to her at least one more time. “I need you. You want me to beg? I will.”

  She chuckled. “You beg? Now that I’d like to see.”

  “Look at me,” he whispered. He knew the raw emotion was there in his eyes for her to see, and he didn’t care to try and conceal it. He wanted her to know that he was as vulnerable and as weak as she was in that moment. The big, strong, tough cop had fled. In his place was just the guy who was terrified of losing her. “Please, please, make love to me tonight.”

  She drew a sharp breath. “I never thought I’d see…” She shook her head. “Yes.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief. She was giving him tonight. He had one more chance. “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.”

  Chapter Ten

  Jessica followed Jake up the stairs, cursing herself for being so weak. She couldn’t help herself. Seeing his resistance melt away made her want to ease his suffering the only way she knew how.

  He closed the bedroom door before pulling her into his arms. “It drove me crazy seeing you like this,” he whispered. He traced the swell of her breast with his fingertip. “I wanted you, but I knew every other guy in the place wanted you, too.” He threaded his hand through her hair as he held her face between his hands. “I had no idea whether I was going to be the one you chose to go home with tonight. It scared me to think you could let someone else have you just to spite me.”

  Jake didn’t talk about his feelings. She knew this was foreign territory for him. She didn’t want to risk breaking the spell, but she felt compelled to correct his false assumption. “I wouldn’t have done that. You should know by now I don’t take sex lightly.”

  “I know, but lately you’ve been a different person, someone I barely recognize.”

  She heard the censure in his tone and it irritated her. He didn’t have the right to judge her. “Maybe this is the person I’ve wanted to be all along. It’s possible I’m finally finding the courage to say to hell with what everyone else thinks of me. I’m going to live my life for myself for a change.”

  He frowned. “Honey, you don’t have to impress anyone, least of all me. I think you’re incredible, exactly the way you are. I always have.”

  She’d come too far to back down now. At least if she put it all out there, she could say she didn’t have any regrets. “If that were true, you would have given us a chance after your marriage ended, but you didn’t. Every time I reached out to you, you shut me down, over and over again. I don’t deserve to feel that way, and I’m not going to put up with it anymore, Jake. Not even for you.”

  He lowered his head. “Baby, I wouldn’t hurt you for anything, but when my marriage ended…”

  “You felt like a failure.”

  His head shot up. “How do you know that?”

  “Because I know you as well as anyone does. I know how competitive you are. You hate to lose and you hate to fail. You’re as stubborn as a mule, and it’s like pulling teeth to get you to admit when you’re wrong.”

  He grinned. “That’s because I’m never wrong.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, McCoy.” She loved this playful side of his personality. She was going to miss his friendship more than anything. Sunday afternoons crowding around the TV at her parents’ place, going for a dip in the pool with him after work. But her favorite times with him were the drive-in movies when they’d watch the latest action adventure movie and share a blanket and a big container of buttered popcorn. Those were the memories she’d cherish most when she was gone.

  “Hey, what’s wrong? Why do you look so sad?”

  “I was just thinking I’m going to miss Brant, and you.”

  He closed his eyes. “Don’t say that. I don’t even want to think about it.”

  Jessica cupped his bristled cheek in her hand. “Jake, you’re not going to change my mind. I need to do this. I need my freedom and I can’t have that in Brant, with you and Mama and Daddy, not to mention Tucker, watching over my shoulder.”

  He kissed her palm. “I have one more night to change your mind about leaving.”

  Jake was deluding himself if he thought incredible sex would be enough to satisfy her. She needed the big, fancy wedding, band of gold, and promise of forever to make her happy. She wanted, more than anything, for Jake to be the man to give that to her, but she’d put her life on hold waiting for him long enough. She had come to love and respect herself too much to wait one more day to find her happily ever after. It was time, time to move on without him.

  His hands trembled as he unhooked her satin corset.

  She grabbed his hands. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “I can’t screw this up, baby.” He released a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m so afraid of messing this up.”

  She assumed he was referring to hurting her again, but she’d spent the past several days shielding her heart, and she was confident she’d built a protective barrier that even Jake couldn’t penetrate. “It’s okay. I want this.” She did want one more night with him. Last time she’d hoped it would morph into a promise of forever, but this time she understood and accepted the ground rules. This was about two people who cared for and respected each other, who trusted each other, satisfying a mutual desire. It was nothing more and nothing less.

  He finished un-hooking the corset and sucked in a breath. “You are so beautiful.”

  The way he was staring at her, she could almost believe that he was in love with her, but she wouldn’t allow herself to go there again. She knew from experience that path was paved with heartache and regret.

  He slid the garment off her shoulders and bent to lick a path down her neck, to the swell of her breast, finally drawing her nipple into his mouth. He swirled his tongue over and over the sensitive peak as he laced his hands with hers.

  She watched him drop to his knees and grip her waist as he continued to sweep his tongue over her tits. It was so hot, watching her fantasy man on his knees, worshipping her body. “Oh, Jake, that feels so good.” She had no idea her breasts were so sensitive, but it felt like her nipples were wired to her clit when he licked her like that. “Oh, keep doing that, God; I could come just like this.”

  Jake groaned as he picked up the pace. He released her hands to peel the satin hot pants off, hooking his thumbs into the G-string as he eased the fabric over her hips. “Spread your legs for me, baby. I need to taste you.”

  She didn’t hesitate to comply. She was so hot, so wet, and so needy.

  “Put your hands over your head and don’t move them.”

  He had her right where he wanted her, desperate and willing to do whatever she had to do to find fulfillment. She spread her legs wide and raised her arms over her head. She felt so exposed, but she had no desire to hide from him.

  He swiped his tongue over her slit and she cried out, bucking against his mouth. He pressed her hips into the door to hold her in place while he rolled his tongue over her clit.

  The image of a vortex flashed through her mind as he drew her clit into his mouth and ruthlessly swirled his tongue in circles around the tiny bundle of nerves. She felt like she was being pulled into a dark, spinning maelstrom of emotions, her body warring with her mind and heart. Her heart told her this was Jake, the only man she’d ever loved, while her mind tried to convince her to remain detached and focus only on the physical pleasure.

  “
Come for me, baby.”

  As if on cue, her body surrendered to his demands as her knees threatened to buckle.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered as he picked her up and carried her to his bed. He set her down in the middle of the mattress and stared at her. “You must know by now I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall.”

  Jake had been her safety net for so long. Her hero, her savior, the one to dry her tears and protect her from the neighborhood bullies. He’d been her everything for as long as she could remember.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this.”

  He brushed her tears away. “It’s okay. You don’t ever have to pretend with me, you know that.”

  In that moment, she was lost in her love for this man, but she knew she couldn’t tell him again. He didn’t share her feelings, he made that clear the last time they were together. He cared for her, respected her, wanted to protect her, but he would never be in love with her.

  He came down on top of her, staring into her eyes before taking her mouth in a kiss that melted her from the inside out. He was so thorough, so passionate, as though he was trying to convey his message without words.

  The kiss went on and on and she savored every second of it, each leisurely swipe of his tongue, his unique flavor, and the tenderness he poured into every sweet caress.

  When he finally tore his mouth from hers, he was breathless. “God, I need you...”

  She could feel it in the raging erection prodding her mid-section. He’d been considerate, seeing to her needs first, but now it was time to return the favor. “Let me…” she whispered as she pushed against his shoulders.

  “No,” he said, hanging his head. “Shit, that’s not what I meant, hon.”

  “It’s okay,” she said, reaching for his shaft. “I want to.”

  “No. That’s not how this is gonna play out, not tonight.”

  They only had tonight, but she didn’t feel it necessary to remind him of that. She’d already made her position clear. “But I thought…”

  “I need to make love to you,” he said as he slipped a finger inside her tight channel. “I need to be inside of you, to feel you wrapped around me…”

  She shivered in his arms. “Yes, I want that too, please.”

  He smiled. “I guess we need protection, huh?”

  She bit her lip. “Um, I’m on the pill, Jake. You don’t have to wear a condom, unless you want to?” She knew Jake. He didn’t sleep around and he would never put anyone in jeopardy by engaging in careless sex.

  He pinned her wrists above her head as his eyes darkened. “When did you go on the pill? Better question, why the fuck are you on the pill? Is this part of your plan to explore new opportunities?”

  She swallowed. Wow, he was intense. This must be the way he made a suspect feel during an interrogation. “No, it’s just…” How was she supposed to tell him that her doctor recommended it to regulate her cycle?

  “You didn’t do it because you were planning to be with someone else?”

  “What? No, it was nothing like that.”

  “That’s all I need to know.” He kissed her lips before moving on to her neck. He added another finger to the mix, forcing her to grind into his hand to seek more pleasure. “That’s it. Hmm, you’re so tight, so wet, angel.”

  She watched him peel his clothes off. He was incredible. His body was so chiseled. She knew he went to the gym before work and jogging after work to blow off steam. They’d often gone together since her house was only a few miles from his. She’d allowed herself to fantasize about what it would be like if they were a real couple and jogging, cooking, watching TV was just a part of their daily routine. Of course, that was just a fantasy.

  “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he whispered, poising his cock at her entrance.

  She frowned. “Uh, this isn’t exactly unchartered territory, Jake.”

  He shook his head as a lock of dark hair brushed his forehead. “Not like this. It’s so much more intense like this. God, I can’t wait to come inside of you.”

  She imagined what it would be like to have his essence trapped inside of her. “Yes.”

  His eyes never left hers as he inched his way in. “Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay?”

  She drew her bottom lip between her teeth as she closed her eyes.

  “No! Open your eyes. I want you to look at me.”

  His breathing was so ragged, and she could tell he was fighting a losing battle to maintain control of his baser urges. His body wanted to pound into her, but his head was telling him to hold back.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered as she stroked his biceps. “You don’t have to worry about hurting me. I won’t break.”

  “Not even your heart?”

  “No… not anymore.” There was a time, not too long ago, when he’d had the power to break her heart, but a heart could only break so many times before it shattered beyond repair.

  “Why?”

  Her eyes drifted closed as he thrust in and out, slowly, gently, stealing her focus and power of speech.

  “Is it because you don’t love me anymore? Is that why I don’t have the power to break your heart, angel?”

  “Stop, please. I don’t want to talk about this; I just want to enjoy this feeling for a little while longer, please.”

  “Tell me you love me.” He pinned her arms over her head. “I need to hear you say it.”

  She wouldn’t, she couldn’t, surrender to that feeling again. “I can’t.”

  He surprised her by rolling over and taking her with him. She was straddling his waist, staring into his eyes. “What are you doing?”

  “Make love to me.”

  “But… why?”

  “I don’t want you to ride me hard and fast. Just take it nice and slow, grind your clit into me, enjoy every stroke, feel every stroke.”

  She frowned, trying to decipher the desperation she heard in his voice. “Why is this so important to you?”

  “I want to watch you love me.” He reached up to caress her breasts. “You may not be able to say it with words, but you’ll show me how you feel about me. Your body won’t lie or keep secrets or guard your heart. It’s your mind that’s doing that.”

  She sat astride him, shocked silent. How could he read her so effortlessly? “I don’t want to do this. I want to go.”

  “No.” He leaned forward and pulled her down into his arms. “Please, don’t go. I didn’t mean to push so hard. I’m sorry, I just need…”

  She buried her face in his neck, hoping he wouldn’t feel the sting of her tears dripping onto his skin. “You need something I can’t give you. Just like I needed something you couldn’t give me.” She sobbed. “Don’t you see that’s why I have to leave? We can’t be together, but we can’t live in the same small town and stay apart…”

  “Sssh.” He stroked her hair with one hand as the other glided down her back, holding her tighter against him.

  “You have to do this for me.” She was doing what she swore to herself she wouldn’t, falling apart in his arms again. “Please.”

  He kissed her shoulder as he coiled his arm around her waist, plunging into her.

  It would be so easy to get lost in the flood of sensations… his lips brushing her skin, his hard shaft impaling her, his soft words drifting over her, soothing her. “You say you care about me, just let me go.”

  His arms fastened around her like a vise as he sank into her continually, barely giving her a chance to draw a breath. “Don’t you think I would if I could? Your parents, your brother, my family, my kid, fuck, what would they say if they knew what I was doing to you right now?”

  She closed her eyes, refusing to respond. There was no point. It wouldn’t change anything.

  “Oh God,” he muttered.

  She could feel every muscle in his body clench with the force of his impending climax. “Baby, I… fuck… I need…”


  “It’s okay,” she whispered. She didn’t need him to push her off that cliff again, she’d already plummeted too many times, without benefit of a parachute, and she had the emotional scars to prove it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jake knew before he even reached out to pull her into his arms that she’d be gone. He saw it in her eyes last night when he tried to convince her to open up to him.

  He was still trying to come to terms with her absence when the phone on his bedside table rang. He prayed it was her, ready and willing to give him another chance to plead his case.

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  His heart always clenched at the sound of his little boy’s voice. God, he loved that kid. “Hey, buddy, what’re you doing?”

  “Can you come get me, Daddy?”

  Jake sat up in bed. It wasn’t his weekend to have Jared. Had something happened to Diane? “Um sure, if your mama says it’s okay.”

  “I already asked her. She has a date, so she says it’s okay if I go with you.”

  It struck Jake that he couldn’t care less that his ex-wife was going out with another man, but it damn near shredded him when he had to hear about Jess going out with Phil. “That’s great, buddy. Yeah, I’d love to come pick you up. We’ll make a day of it.”

  “Can we go to Jessie’s house? I wanna see her.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. What had he done? If Jess chose to leave Brant, he would have to admit to his son that it was his fault because he hadn’t been man enough to acknowledge his feelings for her. “Um, I’m not sure, buddy. We can’t just invite ourselves…”

  Jared giggled. “Did you forget, Daddy?”

  Lord, what had he forgotten now? A birthday, anniversary… “Um, what do you mean, kiddo?”

  “They’re havin’ dinner today, not ‘omorrow, ‘cause Nan Lorna hassa go visit her mama at a home.”

  Of course, Lorna mentioned that she and Merle were going to the nursing home to visit her mother on Sunday. They were having a get together at their house today instead. “I guess it must have slipped my mind, Jared.”

  “Nana and Papa are gonna be there, too. Nana said so.”