Backdraft Read online

  He propped his elbows on the tall counter and rested his face in his hand. He was tired, bone tired. He felt as though he’d aged ten years in the past few hours.

  The nurse who was on duty earlier looked up at him with her fingers poised over her keyboard. “Did Dr. Monroe get you all fixed up?”

  He tried to flex his bandaged hand, wincing. He would have trouble explaining the self-inflicted injury when he got home, especially to the chief. No doubt he would be forced to take a few days off while it healed. Good thing he had some vacation time coming up. He rarely took the time coming to him; being home alone in that big empty house always reminded him of how lonely he really was. He’d often thought about getting a dog, a Lab, but that was part of their plan, so he hadn’t. Buying the house was bad enough; getting the dog would only serve as a constant reminder of the future they’d planned.

  “Yeah, she said I’m good to go.”

  Janice smiled. “She’s the best. You’re in good hands with her.” She consulted the forms Maya had filled out for him earlier, typing the requisite information into her computer. “Have you two known each other a long time?”

  Dave had lived with small-town busybodies long enough to know when one of them was on a fishing expedition, but he had nothing to hide, so he said, “Yeah, since we were kids.”

  Hitting a button to print his invoice, she asked, “Were you ever an item?”

  Despite the fact that Maya didn’t want her co-workers to know about her personal life, he saw it as an opportunity to let Dr. Chris know that he and his girlfriend shared a lifetime of history. He had no doubt the nurse was pumping him for information so she could fill the other man in at the earliest opportunity. “Yeah, we dated through most of high school, broke up during her first year of college.” He wouldn’t tell Janice the reason, even if she asked. Some wounds were too deep to share with anyone, especially a stranger.

  Sighing, Janice passed him a pen and the sheet of paper she extracted from the printer. “That’s too bad. The doc needs someone like you in her life.”

  He took his wallet out of his pocket with his good hand, withdrawing the cards he needed. Passing them across the counter, he said, “I thought she already had someone in her life.”

  Glancing down the hall to the exam rooms, she said quietly, “I don’t think that’s going anywhere. As hard as Dr. Thompson tries, she just doesn’t seem that interested in him.”

  Grinning, he scrawled his signature on the piece of paper. “Is that so?”

  “So many of the single doctors around here have asked her out, but she won’t give them the time of day. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. She’s a young, beautiful woman. She needs to think about finding a nice young man and settling down, having a couple of babies of her own.”

  The picture she painted conjured up too many painful memories. In his mind, he was always the man she chose to share her life. “What makes you think she wants that?”

  “I see the way she is with the kids who come in here. That girl genuinely loves children. Seems like a shame for her not to have some of her own.”

  He knew Maya had always adored children. She would baby-sit for all of the neighbors to earn spending money when they were young, and all of the kids loved her. “Maybe she will someday.”

  “You okay?” the nurse asked, leaning forward. “Do I need to ask the doctor to prescribe something for the pain?”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “You scared me there for a minute,” she said, laughing. “You grimaced and turned as white as a sheet. I thought you were in pain.”

  His injuries were on the inside, and he knew that no amount of pain-killers could dull his agony. Seeing her again tonight had re-opened the gaping wound he tried to seal for years, and right now, it felt like he was hemorrhaging. Too bad the good doctor didn’t have a remedy for that kind of pain.

  Chapter Five

  As soon as he pulled into the driveway behind her, Maya cursed herself for bringing him. The house she purchased looked so much like the Wells street house from their childhood that he’d have to be blind not to see the similarities. He would probably walk away after tonight thinking she was a lonely, pathetic woman who hadn’t moved on with her life after a decade of being alone. Knowing him, he would feel sorry for her. Given a choice, she would rather he hate her. His pity would just feel like a slap in the face.

  Stepping out of the truck, he stared up at the house. “I don’t believe it,” he whispered.

  Feeling awkward and uncertain, she shrugged. “You know how much I loved that old house. If I’d stayed in Brant, I probably would have bought it.”

  He shook his head, still staring up at the house. The timed lights that wrapped around the perimeter made it easy to see most of the details, even in the dark. “The owner would never have sold it, especially to you.”

  Okay, that stung. She knew she wasn’t the hometown hero he was, but she hadn’t made any enemies. “Why not?”

  He looked at her before slamming the door to his truck and crossing the distance between them. “Because I bought that house, and I wouldn’t sell it for anything.”

  Why would he want to own such an important piece of their history? They used to walk or drive by that house every day on their way home from school. They’d talk about the family they would have there, the dinners they would host, the fires they would build in the big, old hearth. They had it all figured out. “Why would you do that?”

  “I loved that place, too. I had the chance, so I bought it. Don’t read too much into it.”

  She knew he was trying to minimize what it meant, but she still knew him too well to be fooled. “You’re lying.”

  Glaring at her, he said, “You have the gall to call me a liar?”

  She knew standing out here arguing wasn’t going to solve their problems. It was bad enough they’d raised eyebrows among her co-workers; she didn’t need to let her nosy neighbors in on her business too. That was the main reason she’d moved away from Brant, to put some distance between herself and the recriminations that would undoubtedly follow her actions. According to that town, Dave was a hero, the star quarterback who led their team to championships year after year who went on to become the guy who ran into burning buildings to save their treasures. How could they not love and respect him?

  As soon as she turned the key in the lock, her beloved chocolate Labrador, Ginger, came barreling toward her, anxious to greet her mistress. “Hey, there’s my pretty girl,” she said, laughing. “I missed you, too.”

  “Oh hell no,” he muttered, standing just behind her in the doorway. “Are you kidding me?”

  Choosing to ignore him, she lavished attention on her pup. At least Ginger understood the meaning of unconditional love, which was more than she could say for him. “Have you got a problem with dogs?”

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She glared at the hand gripping her tender flesh and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit. The house, the dog…” He looked around at the antique furniture decorating the narrow hallway. “This was my dream. You had no right…”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. “That’s where you’re wrong. This was our dream. It was the only thing I took with me, Dave. My memories and our dreams. You have no claim on them anymore, just like you don’t have the right to tell me how to live my life. If I want to live in a house like yours, I will. If I want to buy a dog, I will. If I want to date Chris…”

  Holding her tighter, he said, “I’d tread carefully if I were you.”

  “Why does it bother you so much that I have someone in my life? You don’t want me, remember?”

  The dog licked his bandaged hand. Looking down, he ruffled her ears. “Hey, you sure are a pretty girl. You must have been lonely in this big, old, empty house, huh?”

  After shaking him loose, she crossed her arms. “I’m not an irre
sponsible pet owner, if that’s what you’re implying. The girl next door comes over when I’m not here. I pay her to feed Ginger, play with her, and take her out for walks when I can’t be here.”

  Smirking, he said, “It was supposed to be a male dog, and his name was Bruno.”

  Rolling her eyes, she said, “I never agreed to that. You know I wanted a female dog.”

  Suddenly, he brushed a fingertip down her cheek, staring down into her eyes. “Yeah, but we compromised. One of each, Bruno and…”

  “Ginger,” she whispered, remembering the night they came to the agreement. They were at the drive-in theatre on the outskirts of town. She was due to leave for school in a few weeks and planning their future made it easier to deal with the impending separation. “I remember.”

  “So do I,” he whispered, leaning in closer. “I remember every minute we spent together, even though I’d give every goddamn thing I own to be able to forget.”

  She knew exactly how he felt. Living in the past was even more difficult than looking forward to an uncertain future. Licking her lips, she reveled in his closeness. It wasn’t like the intimacy they’d shared in the hotel room. Now he knew it was her, and he was here, in her home, of his own volition, even though she sensed he was torn between facing the past and running away. “I feel the same way. I can’t live this way anymore. That’s why I came home, to figure this out, once and for all.”

  “Nothing’s changed,” he said, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against her forehead. “You’re still the same woman who cheated on me with my best friend. I love you and I hate you. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”

  Her heart soared and then plummeted. He loved her, but a part of him still despised her. He could never trust her after the perceived betrayal. She knew she could tell him the truth, that she’d thought she was making love to him that night. Craig took advantage of her in a vulnerable moment, but if she told him the truth, it would cost him his best friend. Even if they could get past what happened, he would likely resent her for the rest of their lives. It was a no-win situation, and there were no guarantees that even if she told him, he would understand and welcome her back into his life. It was better to say nothing and put the past to rest, once and for all.

  Dave knew this was a bad idea, but leaning in to kiss those sweet lips seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He’d once had every delectable inch of her body mapped. He knew what made her moan softly, breathe harder, gasp, and arch into his touch. He needed to know if he could still make her feel that way.

  He had been at a disadvantage earlier, bound and blindfolded. This time he wanted to use all of his senses to heighten the experience for both of them. The kiss they shared was so intimate, so sensual, it rocked him to the core. Earlier, they had sex. He feared this time they would make love, and he didn’t know if he could turn his back on that.

  “Dave,” she whispered, trailing wet kisses down his neck. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  He wasn’t sure of anything right now, except for the fact that he had to have her, again and again. “I’m sure. You?”

  She groaned, working the buttons on his shirt. “God, I don’t know. This is a bad idea; I know it is, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”

  He knew the feeling. Loving her was like an addiction. He’d stopped cold turkey once, or thought he had, but he didn’t think he was strong enough to do it again. “I feel like a fuckin’ alcoholic,” he muttered, backing her into the wall. “And you’re looking like a big ol’ bottle of Jack Daniels.”

  She chuckled and said, “I can’t say that I’ve ever been compared to liquor before.”

  “Liquor, drugs, it doesn’t matter,” he said, lifting her shirt over her head to reveal the black lacy bra he’d seen her don at the hotel. “I’m an addict, and you’re my poison of choice.”

  Looking up at him, she framed his face with her hands. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore. If you think this is a bad idea, maybe we should stop.”

  He drew a deep breath as he closed his eyes. “Honey, I know this is a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop even if there was a bomb getting set to go off. This thing is that powerful.” He opened his eyes and traced her lips with his tongue. “I can’t get enough of you. I need to taste you, all of you.”

  She shuddered in his arms as she coiled her arms around his neck. “The bedroom’s at the top of the stairs.” Flattening her palms against his chest, she said, “Wait, there’s a guest bedroom down here. Maybe that would be a better idea.”

  Okay, he didn’t like the sound of that. “Why don’t you want to take me up to your room?”

  She grimaced, as though he were dragging the information out of her by force. “Don’t you know how hard it would be for me to make love to another man there if you and I…”

  Thrusting his hand into his hair, he said, “I can’t believe you’re thinking about making love to someone else when you’re here with me.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped at it with the back of her hand. “That’s not fair, and you know it. You’re going to leave here tomorrow, maybe sooner, and I’m going to be left with a rumpled bed and your scent on my sheets. How am I going to walk into that room again without remembering?”

  “Maybe I want you to remember,” he said softly, coiling his hand around her neck. “I think I want to brand it in your memory, so that every time another man touches you… you think of me. Every tongue that slides into your mouth from now on is mine. Every cock that glides into your tight little pussy is mine. I’m the only man you can think about, the only man you want.”

  “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish me?”

  He didn’t know who he was hurting more: her or himself. The vision of someone else doing those things to her made it feel like someone was whipping him with a leather strap, making him beg for mercy. “Hell, I don’t know, maybe.”

  Kissing his neck, collarbone, and shoulder, she gently slipped the shirt off. “If you want to stop, now would be the time,” she whispered, punctuating the words with soft kisses.

  “We’ll figure this out later. Right now, I don’t want to think, I want to feel…” He slid his hands into her long, thick hair, tugging her head back. “I want to pound you, punish you, make you scream.” The anger still simmering beneath his words scared him. How could he still need her so much after all this time? He resented his weakness; his feelings for her were the one and only thing in his life that felt beyond his control.

  “I want that too,” she murmured, sinking her teeth into his shoulder. “You remember how much I loved it when you lost control? When you used to fuck me, hard, fast… you were so reckless, so wild. I get wet just thinking about it.”

  He remembered. God, those memories still haunted him. Possessed was the only word to describe how he felt. He had engaged in a lot of kinky sex in the last few years, but nothing compared to the wild abandon he surrendered to in her arms.

  “Let’s take this upstairs,” he said, backing her toward the narrow staircase.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d want to do this again,” she whispered, threading her hands through his hair. “When you found out it was me…” She bit her lip. “I thought you’d walk out, or throw me out, or…”

  He knew he should tell her now that sex wouldn’t change anything, but he couldn’t force the words past the lump in his throat when he looked at her. Beneath the cool veneer of the beautiful, successful doctor lurked the scared, vulnerable girl he fell in love with, and he still longed to protect her, the way he had all those years ago. Even after the pain he’d endured because of her thoughtless actions that night, she was still his first love, his only love, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget that.

  “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later,” he said, brushing the hair away from her face. “Right now, I just want to forget about the past and the future.” Looking into her eyes, trying to find some hint of the stranger who’d betrayed him with
out a second thought, he asked, “Can we do that, Maya?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, running her hands overs his abdomen. “That’s what I want, too. If this is all we have, I want to enjoy it.”

  Her words assured him she wasn’t setting herself up for disappointment. She was steeling her heart against the good-bye that would inevitably follow tomorrow, but instead of feeling relieved, he was disappointed. He wanted her to be willing to fight for him, for them. Wasn’t he worth the effort anymore? Pausing at the top of the stairs, he pulled her against him. “Tell me the truth; do you still love me?” He surprised himself with the question. So much for living in the moment. She said she still loved him earlier, but he had to know whether she meant it.

  “We don’t even know each other anymore,” she whispered. “Do we?”

  He knew she was asking whether he still felt that unbreakable connection that once existed between him, and he did. She got under his skin, inside his soul, like no one before or since. “I think you know the answer to that.” He wanted her to be the one to risk the pain of rejection this time. He knew he was being a coward, but he couldn’t risk putting it all out there again.

  “I don’t know what to say,” she said, her eyes drifting lower. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  He didn’t know either; he was so damned confused. If she told him she still loved him, would it change anything? Could he believe her? He had no idea how to get past the fact that she had sex with his best friend. Would he remember what he’d walked in on every time she and Craig were in the same room together? Would he make himself crazy wondering if they were still sneaking around behind his back? Probably. God, this was a no-win situation. He couldn’t trust her, but he still wanted her.